Interlight Main | Skit #1 | Skit #2 | Skit #3 | Skit #4
Costumes:BLUESMAN: Dark blue or black trench coat, slouch hat, sunglasses, white shirt and tie, mustache, dark pants, white Nikes (sneakers). COOLMAN: baggies, t-shirt, plaid shirt over it, backwards baseball cap, shades, etc. (Typical "hip-hop" teen.)
Props:
Violin case and a small boombox-type cassette machine that can fit inside. If you desire, substitute a hard-shell cello case, and use a much larger boombox . Earmuffs Sunglasses
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(Scene opens with a dark stage and just the BLUESMAN in sight. He carries a violin case and sneaks up to center stage, stealthily)
BLUESMAN: S'up, Cats... I'm the bluesman, and I play the blues to give you the blues, man. When I make the scene, I can make grown men forget their mama's birthday. I can make married chicks forget their own anniversary. I make good times bad and bad times worse. I 'll take all of those great plans you've made and turn them into "no plans". When you got the blues like I do, I'll put you down so low, you'll have to look up to see snail slime....... and that's low, man... 'cuz I'm the blues man....man! Hit it! (points at soundman)
(Pre-recorded tape plays with this "Rap". The BLUESMAN "lip-synchs" to the tape.)
I'm the blues man brother and I want you to know, that I can take all your plans and make 'em go... out of your head, and when I put down this groove, I'll pick up my ax, and I'll busta move .....
soon you won't care if its day or night, you will just want to sit down and give up the fight. so when you see me comin' get outa my way, 'cuz I'm bad news brother and I'll make you pay......
( Ends with typical rapper's pose, and then moves quickly over to the violin case, and with a flourish, pulls out [after a suitable pause for effect] a small "boombox" radio with a tape of bluesy saxophone music loaded.)
BLUESMAN: Ah.... here come my first victims, Er, um... clients.
KASSIE: Hey, Sheila, how have you been?
SHEILA: Oh, pretty good, Kassie, how about you?
KASSIE: I'm just a little bored.... Hey.. I've got an idea... maybe since you showed up, we could call the guys and go get a hamburger or something....
BLUESMAN: Oh no you don't... (plays music from boom box, close to KASSIE's ear)
KASSIE: On second thought, maybe we shouldn't call the guys..... they're probably busy anyway.....
SHEILA: Hey, what was wrong with that idea...? I'm sure that Tony isn't doing anything.... maybe we could go bowling....
(BLUESMAN slinks over to her side of the stage and plays the music in her ear! He shuts it off fairly quickly)
SHEILA: (continues) ... well, maybe not...Tony's been kind of a jerk lately (Brightens) Hey! We could get a pizza!....
(BLUESMAN plays another small bit of music)
SHEILA: (continues) ... No, that would take too long... Maybe....
(BLUESMAN, with a Puckish grin on his face, plays a longer bit of music as he leans closer)
SHEILA: (continues) What was I saying?... (looks suddenly puzzled)
KASSIE: (Hopefully) We could get a couple videos.... (BLUESMAN plays a short burst in her ear).... but I guess all the good ones will be gone by the time we get there anyway.
SHEILA: (Dejected) Yeah, probably all they will have left is ________! (fill in the name of the latest video stinker)
KASSIE: What about... (BLUESMAN plays the music continuously)
SHEILA: What?
KASSIE: Huh? (Shakes her head as if to clear out cobwebs)
SHEILA: Maybe we should just hang out here for awhile.
(BLUESMAN chuckles as his music does its insidious work.)
KASSIE: (Dejected) Yeah, I guess so.
(The two girls slump to the floor with a BIG sigh each, and sit with chins in their hands.)
(BLUESMAN puts his boombox down STAGE RIGHT, starts laughing out loud and does a dance of jubilation (not unlike those heathen NFL types, after a touchdown) over them, ending by pumping his fist back and saying....)
BLUESMAN: Yesss...
(BLUESMAN lays down on his stomach beside the girls, STAGE LEFT and props himself up by his elbows, chin in his hands, legs waving in the air and indolently stares at the girls in a teasing way... )
BLUESMAN: (Extremely pleased with himself) I am sooo... BAD!
(COOLMAN enters STAGE LEFT, whistling and steps on BLUESMAN's backside causing BLUE to do a nose-dive into the floor. He crosses over to the girls.)
COOLMAN: 'Sup, Ladies.... Why so low?
SHEILA: I don't know... one minute we were really pumped to do something, and then all of a sudden....
KASSIE: Yeah, it was like we just lost all our energy.
COOLMAN: Never fear ladies, the Coolman is here! I think I know what has happened! (He goes over and stands behind BLUESMAN, looking down at him...) (BLUESMAN has been rubbing his backside, now sits up suddenly!) KASSIE, SHEILA, and BLUESMAN: You Do? (slowly say this together, with great exaggeration.)
COOLMAN: (looks at the girls)Yeah, you just didn't have me around!
(The two girls laugh together)
BLUESMAN: (rolls his eyes, and then speaks to the audience) Sheesh, I thought he could see me!
COOLMAN: (looks straight down at BLUESMAN and says back) I can see you!
(BLUESMAN looks startled, and he and the two girls again speak together and say): Huh???
COOLMAN: (looking at the girls now) I mean, I can see you are down for no reason... you got the BLUES!
(as COOLMAN says this, BLUESMAN has become suspicious, and with his eyes narrowed, he begins to circle COOLMAN, waving his hands in front of COOL's eyes and making faces, trying to get a reaction...)
KASSIE: So what can we do about it? I just feel so tired....
COOLMAN: You just need a really cool thing to do... something that can beat those Blues for you!
BLUESMAN: (moans loudly,) unnngh, NO! (and then scrambles across the stage for his boom box!)
COOLMAN: This thing is so cool, you 're gonna need these earmuffs, and so hot you're gonna need these shades! (produces the articles from his backpack).
SHEILA: Hey, Excellent!
(KASSIE and SHEILA put them on and laugh at each others appearance, while BLUESMAN creeps up on them with a wicked grin on his face, his boombox ready.)
BLUESMAN: Hee, hee, hee, you will soon be mine, "Ladies"! (he leers with his voice, exaggerating the word ladies, obviously mocking COOLMAN's term for the girls. He creeps toward them slowly, still wary of COOLMAN.)
KASSIE: Well, we're all dressed up, so now where are we going?
(BLUESMAN stands behind her, silently mocking her actions, and mouthing her words)
COOLMAN: We're going to ___________. (Cool event)
(BLUESMAN pretends to gag himself, sticking his finger in his mouth)
SHEILA: When is it?
COOLMAN: It starts at____________, and its gonna be THE coolest time we've ever had at this church... This will be what everybody will be talking about for the next year. You had better show up if you want to be part of something incredible!
Kassie: I like these earmuffs... do you want 'em back.
COOLMAN: Naw! Keep 'em. It's my mission to spread COOL throughout the planet!
(The three start to walk off together... but BLUESMAN bars the way...)
BLUESMAN: Oh no you don't! (Switches on the boombox full blast and begins bouncing around them)
(The girls walk on ... seemingly oblivious to BLUESMAN's antics. COOLMAN hangs back...)
COOLMAN: Hey, Bud! Point that thing the other way!
BLUESMAN: So, you can see me, Eh?
COOLMAN: I can see you, but worse than that I can -PHEWIE (holds his nose) smell you. Go away Blues, quit giving issues to people!
COOLMAN (looks at the soundman and says): Hit it!
(Tape starts and COOLMAN lip synchs to this Rap)
I'm the COOLMAN brother, and I've got to say, buddy you're toast , just go away, find some other sap, and bring 'em down' no foolin' loser, get outa' my town!
I've made it my job to see that you lose, so pack up your bag, -cut yourself loose, so when you see me comin' get outa my way, 'cuz I'm the COOLMAN brother and I'll make you pay......
(COOLMAN grabs the boombox out of the stunned BLUESMAN's hand, pulls a gleaming cassette out of his pocket, and slams it into the boombox. The tape starts playing a "too happy" song such as Don't Worry Be Happy, a Barry Manilow tune or if you are brave, The Macarena)
BLUESMAN: (screams)No, Not that!
COOLMAN: Ohh Yess!
BLUESMAN: (moans) Not, ____________ (the artist's name, or title of the song). I hate ________ !
COOLMAN: (while slipping on a pair of earmuffs) Whassa matter, TOO HAPPY for you?
(BLUESMAN wincing in pain and anguish, moves out, with his hands over his ears saying things like "How much for one of those earmuffs?" and "I'll let you wear my trenchcoat!", etc. as he pleads for his life on their way out of the sanctuary or hall. COOLM AN follows him out grinning maniacally. Soundman could play the same "happy music" that COOLMAN put in the boombox, on the sound system and gradually fade it out for a greater effect!)
ANNOUNCER: Don't get the blues this weekend. Come to the _______________(repeat the time, place, of the event and any other pertinent information, etc. so that the occasion to come is imprinted on the audience's collective psyche.)
THE END
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TIPS:
RECORD THE "RAPs" BEFORE YOU DO THE SKIT! This is accepted in the music world (sort of --remember Milli Vanilli -those guys got caught lip syching >other people's voices<), as long as you tape the actor's actual voice. Besides, it's funnier that way!
Use mostly rhythm section for the "rap's" background music, (unless you have an excellent musician that can lay down a nice synthesized, hip-hop groove), so that the words come through more than the music... Organ, and piano, by themselves, are not partic ularly cool (IMHO)!
Ham up the actions of BLUESMAN and COOLMAN. These guys are extremely cool. Exaggerate their moves. BLUESMAN is intentionally more old-fashioned, jazz-type cool, while COOLMAN is more "hip-hop" type cool.
If Bluesman or COOLMAN wear shades, have them remove them for at least part of the skit. It is funnier to see their eyes while they deliver their lines, and the sunglasses can become a prop. BLUESMAN could chew on his in frustration, or twirl them in glee after he has "fixed" the girls plans. COOLMAN could put them on his head and yank them back down on his face to make his ending "Rap" more convincingly "cool".
Most Importantly, HAVE FUN... Don't take these parts too seriously, or people will attempt to gauge your "coolness". This is a parody of "cool" !